Sunday, 10 September 2017


The last few weeks had been difficult for me. I was under a lot of stress, I could not sleep properly and I kept on having fragmented sleep. The anxiety anticipating for tomorrow’s work had become more unbearable and I was nearly calling it quit. 

You may think I was professing but my eye bags will not lie. 

The peer-pressure was building on my shoulder on what I should pursue next; what program I should I enroll or what specialty I should think of? I was okay on my own pace before other people decided to tell me “you look like a physician/ you will not cut it as a surgeon”. 

Medicine is tiring. 

Especially when you do not have the ideal social support. Yet I should not complain more since people think practicing doctors in Australia have a greater quality of life compared to homegrown doctors in Malaysia. 

The grass is always greener on the other side. 

Yes, we may earn (more) money with the better working environment but I have been longing to go back. I know plenty of Malaysians doctor coming over here to work and they claimed it was their best decision so far which made me doubt my own conflicted thoughts. 

Hopefully, I am not the only one struggling with this. Living with people's expectations throughout my life is taking its toll on me. 

Anyway, hopefully it was not too late to wish Happy Independence Day for Malaysians!

Standing in front of my running wild thoughts.

Sunday, 27 August 2017


Looking back at my student’s years, I am grateful for what I have now.

I remembered (vividly) that I used to take 3 buses for nearly 2 hours to get to the hospital before the morning ward round. Right in the deep cold of morning mist at 0430 AM, I would leave the house and hailed the bus by myself. I switched buses at 2 interchange stations and I will arrive at the far northern hospital at 0715. The return trip would be the same, with an added extra half-hour from congested traffic.

People asked why I did not get a car; even a second and third hand would do. I was contemplating; there was this pride in me to have a good looking car rather than the old refurbished 1990’s Mitsubishi yet I know I did not have that much money. Adding up the maintenance cost and every fee that came along with a car which was too much for me and I did not want to bother my parents for extra money, so I decided to bear with buses for 6 years and it was all love-hate relationship.

Now that I can afford a car with miles and miles of road tripping, I was indeed grateful that I used to go through the hardships (and frustrations) bussing for hours. Dealing with smelly passengers (or even worse alcohol intoxicated); one of them had told off 3 Chinese girls to go back to their country to catch Pokemon - but this has been the highlight of my bussing trip.

Renting houses; since I came here I have stayed at 6 different places. My first rented house was this old wooden shack well-secluded behind this quiet alley. We were looking for a place closer to the city rather than 20 bus-stops away, it was affordable yet we missed the comfort and luxury like other Malaysians who were renting big houses in the suburb areas. Friends were teasing us; “The house was like the one in TV3’s Bersamamu, next time we should bring a packet of rice to visit you guys” etc.

Room 301 in Bradford Lodge

So we learned our lesson and we rented this beautiful house with a well-mowed lawn (but the landlord was dodgy - only requested rents to be paid in cash to evade tax). We hosted parties and gatherings with other Malaysians; the moments were definitely worth to reminisce. My last house was a random pick, as long as I had a place to stay. A house of 6, but only with 1 bathroom and a SINGLE toilet. You can imagine the queue in the morning, it was a painful waiting but where else would I have gone through that?

One of our gatherings

465 Regency Road Prospect

So now since I can afford a house for two (with my own bathroom and a jacuzzi), it is another blessing that I always take for granted. I came across this conversation with my sister last night and that is why I decided to share this;

“ Bad things happen so that you know what good things feel like.”


Saturday, 6 May 2017

Cyber Bullying

A 20 year-old Penangite jumped from 4-storey flat to his death, was suspicious as a victim to cyber bullying. 

Another sidestory; a rubbertapper’s son was forced to drink a “strange” fluid that put him into suffocation and died.

I was one of those who never take this matter seriously; I was puzzled on how words and impressions that were manifested online (without being verbally projected) could affect someone’s self-esteem and confidence that might lead to them being suicidal. But this is my soft story about cyberbullying. 

I just spent a year overseas and I went back to my hometown to catch up with old mates (not that I knew one of them was double-crosser scoundrel). So we hung out for that day and I even dropped him back home. 

Few days after, I came across my another friend (that I had never seen for a while) posted a Facebook status about me (without being subtle) that I’d changed just from a year in overseas (obviously sourced from the fraudster); that I’d put on my sunnies indoor as if the sun was shining over me, I talked about stranger’s mismatched outfits and uncoordinated colours as if I was trendy enough, that I acted as if I just arrived from Pluto (the dwarf planet) etc. Surprisingly, people that I knew were blasting their comments into that status and wrote all their ambitious judgemental thoughts about me.

It was definitely shocking to see people that I knew were able to say those petty things at me. It was even sadder as well looking at myself being mocked publicly without any tiny tinges of humility. 

So there I was staring at my laptop with numbness tingling around my body and my jaw frozen. But I knew that was once off thing and I should just brush it off. I was lucky I could get away from it like literally flying abroad for my next semester and puffff it dissipated into thin air.

Just because you think it is funny and a pleasurable thing to do, you could never believe “oh-it’s-only-typed-not-real-words” could impose on someone’s mentally and physically. Different people may have their own coping mechanism; they may lock themselves in their rooms, maybe cutting their wrists to let the pain subdues the torture, or maybe sweat it off. 

As much as you do not want this to happen to you, do not let it happen to someone else. 

P/s: Inspired from Netflix’s 13 Reasons Why and real-life experience.

Wednesday, 22 March 2017


I (again) managed to squeeze my last few days in Kuching with a quick visit to Seoul. It was for my sister's informal graduation from her medical school and possibly she was wishing that she could meet any those Oppas that have been frontlining the global obsession. 

So I arrived few days later than them (since I have been there before and I wanted to skip their touristy plans) and I stayed at this shared accomodation near Hong-dae Station, the CrossRoad Backpackers. I love Hong-dae area; it is bustling with youngsters and it is always happening. There will be street performances, food stalls, shops selling their latest clothing trends and it is easily accessible to the rest of the Seoul's Metro. 

It was unfortunate that we came during their New Year's national holiday so most of their local Halal restaurants were closed for few days; namely EID Halal, Makan Halal restaurant, BoA Guesthouse Dosirak and Yeoksam Yang BBQ. While there are few Halal Indian or Arab food, of course I am yearning for their local dishes made best by Koreans. 

A trip to Seoul will not be completed if you are not getting those Korean's other specialties, their skin care. Seoul is known as the beauty mecca; natural or procedural aesthetic values were strongly held and deep rooted in the community. Myeong dong was where we spent our last day; with miles of shopping lots to explore and also feasted on their street food! Those baked scallops and lobsters, spicy rice cakes and the mountain high ice creams!

It was a Seoul-ful journey. 

Congrats sister!